the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Text me some of your sweat
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
