Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
