She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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