I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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