I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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