FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're a waste of cheezeits
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
