I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
