yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
bring money and cleavage
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
