If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
