One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
