The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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