I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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