I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
