i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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