Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
