I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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