no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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