Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
did you just send me my own nude
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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