Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
