remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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