the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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