How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
