Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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