oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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