you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
