She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
