You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm always down for nudity.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
