i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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