I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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