This is not my ceiling
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
