i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
