I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
