I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
