oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
