I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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