My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
