She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
