Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
