Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
