He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
