The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
