it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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