Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
