I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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