Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot