i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
