So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week