Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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