Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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