i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was