he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.