so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
