My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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