i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
