Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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