My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
