His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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