Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
