Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
