how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
