I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
