There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
