Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
