You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
