she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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