We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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