then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
