when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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