she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
