not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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