Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
