That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
