the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
