This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
