I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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