The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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