she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
