I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize