I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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