apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
