Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
