quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
