I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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