idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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