you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
