dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
